Salsa Fairy?

A couple months ago, I got a package containing Tolteca salsa from my sister-in-law, Tonya. As she and the rest of the family know, I am obsessed with the chips and salsa from a small restaurant in Azusa, CA called Tolteca - actually, there are very few things on their menu I do not like. The salsa was an awesome birthday present, and I still have a couple jars left (which are still good).

So, when I got a package in the mail with more chips and salsa a couple days ago with the name "Brent Cornelius" on it, I had to raise an eyebrow:


It is a gift basket from a place in Phoenix, AZ - "Coyote Kitchen".

The guys back in Engineering said "what are we waiting for?" and wanted to tear into it immediately, but given that I had no idea who the sender, "Brent Cornelius" is, nor who would have sent me more salsa, or even who would know that I like salsa (hmm, ok that's probably a lot of people at this point), I thought we should do a little investigation first. We took the above picture, and set to researching Coyote Kitchen.

It turns out they specialize in more than just salsa; from their website:

"In 2007 Desert Rose Foods, Inc., a 30 yr old Phoenix, Arizona based salsa and southwest condiment manufacturer, merged with Coyote Kitchen, a 13 year old private label food manufacturer of shelf stable and refrigerated acidified food products. Coyote Kitchen, Inc. the parent company operates out of a 27,000+ sq ft FDA approved facility that offering both branded and private label products to the retail and foodservice trade.


The combined company, currently offers 7 brands with over 90 items ranging from salsa, salad dressings, condiments, organic fruit spreads, flavoured lemonade drinks, Asian finishing sauces, Kosher and Kosher for Passover products, soups, and more. Our Chefs promise to bring you new and exciting items on a continual basis. Currently in development; Indian specialty sauces."

Wow. That's a lot of stuff. Then we looked for "Brent Cornelius" - apparently, he is the CEO! I am also fairly sure he personally sent the package; it was his name on the customs form and the USPS doesn't let other people mail stuff in your name ...

The package has three jars of Desert Rose salsa (it is still sitting on my desk, so I'm not 100% sure on that, but that's how it looks from the picture), and I'm guessing they made the chips too. The general consensus was that the package was not an attempt to poison us or reduce our morale with gastrointestinal problems in an effort to end the US presence in Iraq sooner (and you can take that analysis to the bank - it was from Army Signal Corps "experts" ... it's not like we only run networks and know nothing about food except how to eat it, right?). We went with the simpler guess that Coyote Kitchen's CEO saw the earlier OIT posts I made on salsa and sent this as a gift.

So, if you're reading this, Mr. Cornelius - thanks for sending the package, personally to boot! You have four grateful network engineers and a happy salsa fan!

When It Rains, It Pours

I posted a couple months ago about how mail works over here in Iraq, which is really a "best effort" extension of how it works back home; the military post offices here collect mail from us and inject it into the mail system at home, and from there we wait the requisite time for delivery. Priority Mail, for instance, takes 2-3 days normally, so if we use it over here, it is however long it takes to get to the US, plus that 2 or 3 days. Getting mail from the US to here works the same way, only in reverse, with mail addressed to my ZIP first getting delivered to the Army, then flown here by them or a contractor on a best effort basis.

I mention all of this because I got four packages today, some of which have postmarks from two weeks ago!!

So, without further ado, the first package I got was:


Shoelaces. I opened this one on the spot at our supply office, since I got an email that an order came in. Yes, I really got a plastic envelope with two sets of shoelaces in them (bootlaces to be more precise). The Army set up this system to replace uniform-related stuff in country that wears out and ... (ok, I think no one cares about the shoe/boot laces).

I took the laces and went back to my housing unit, where I discovered my roommate, Bob, had picked up my mail for me - the other three packages, which I did not know were waiting for me at this point. He reminded me as I gleefully started cutting them open that he recently carried a large metal pole for some distance, which was currently providing us Internet (I knew I would not live that one down for a while ...). I assured him that if these were what I thought they were, I could repay him in spades!

So, the second package was:




SALSA!!! Yes, like the "precious" One Ring from Tolkien's classic, I knew it immediately when I saw the lids of the iconic jars Tonya picked in which to "can" them. I spent a few minutes telling Bob the importance of what I held in my hand, the history behind Tolteca, and how I could not get this salsa even when I was in Maryland. I guess if you are outside of driving distance from Tolteca, you might as well be on the moon if you are trying to get salsa there. Yet, here was a jar, in my hand.




The verdict: it was still good! Obviously, I did not have a reference dish of salsa to do a more scientific comparison, but really, it tasted great. I guess I don't necessarily want to know if there's supposed to be a difference when you perform the canning process if I can't tell as I'm devouring it. Still not convinced himself, Bob took a taste:


... and score another one with the broad side of the chalk for Tonya and Tolteca (but I'm still not forgiven for the metal pole incident). In all, she sent 12 of the jars, which hold a reasonable sitting's worth of salsa (probably about 2 dishes in the restaurant), and rationing it out I go through about a half-jar at a time.

The third package was another bag of chips from Tonya, pictured to the left in the next photo. That brings my stock to three bags, which each supposedly have around 220 chips.

The fourth package was yet another huge surprise ... a birthday party kit from Kathy!


Yes, that is a cake in the middle of the box, and the jar to the lower left is frosting. There are a couple of containers of "drizzle" in there too, which I guess is supposed to go on top of the frosting from what I read of the instructions. There are plates, candles, and little confetti, all emphasizing that it will be the "Big 3-0" for me in a couple of days. I'm leaving it as sealed as I can until Friday, when I will decorate a little, borrow a lighter from the smokers next door, and do a field-expedient birthday celebration!

One of the best parts of the kit was the DVD with pictures of Kathy and Matt making the cake - there are a few pictures of John feeding Matt lunch and getting him ready for the hard afternoon of quality testing (what other expertise does a guy with cheeks like that have?), then the lunacy of baking a cake with a 17-month old is chronicled in a series of pictures of Kathy and Matt working at the island in her kitchen. There were about a dozen prints, which I taped to the wall by some of the other pictures.

There were also Kathy's classic baked goodies in with the kit, which did not make it quite as unscathed as the cake and the salsa:


The Oatmeal Carmelitas on the top shelf and the Poppy Seed Bread on the bottom right didn't get mushed, they got baked more! It has been around 105-110 here for the past week or so, and the postmarks on the boxes indicate they've spent at least two in transit. I didn't see anything wrong with the OCs or the bread, so I put them in the fridge to firm up a bit. Bob thinks that aside from sticking to the bag a bit, they're going to make good midnight snacks (we are flush with things like microwave popcorn and small candies, but these are a meal!). The Pumpkin Bread on the lower left made it just fine, albeit a bit warm, so it's going in the fridge for a bit too.

Whew! What a great birthday I'm going to have in a few days!! Thanks Tonya and Kathy!

P.S. By the way, thanks for making the runs to the Post Office, John ... I noticed the customs forms mostly seem to have your name on them!

One Jar of Salsa Short of a Fiesta

I got a box in the mail today from Tonya ... no description of the contents ... they were obviously well-padded ...


... but not salsa :(

Maybe a month ago, Tonya posted a shocking but fake account of my favorite restaurant in the world burning down. I usually read the OIT blog entries with great interest, but that day I read with disbelief until the punch line at the bottom. She was then gracious enough to reveal she planned to can some salsa (one of the reasons La Tolteca is at the top of my list) and send it.

I had such high hopes this would be "the package"! I knew the cilantro and onion-flavored nectar of the gods (Tolteca salsa) was on its way, and I overlooked the rather even weight of the box in my zeal to open it. With Tonya's return address on it, it could only have been one of two things: chips or salsa.

Knowing Tonya, that means the next one is probably going to be a cylindrically-shaped rock, well wrapped, and in a box just big enough for a couple jars of salsa. It's the box after that which will make all the waiting worth it!

(Thanks for the chips, Tonya; they're sealed until the main event!)

Tolteca's Revenge

By now, you know about James' obsession with this little family-owned Mexican restaurant in Azusa. You also probably read Tonya's account of the fake Tolteca Fire and her idea about canning their ultimate delicacy: salsa. (Or read about it here.) The canning apparently has been accomplished, but at quite a price! All I have to say is this: Tonya, when you reported that a fire had destroyed James' beloved restaurant, the Gods were out to get you!

Enjoy Tonya's recent email to James and me:

Primary Issue: We have a flat of canned salsa packaged and ready to be mailed. Will send ASAP. This is my first attempt at canning so if any jar arrives broken, cracked or leaking or if the seal does not pop when opened - the jar must be discarded. Enjoy!

Secondary Issue: I went to get the salsa after dropping Matt at home. Pulled up to the building and what do I see? The building is closed, abandoned and tagged beyond belief. It has been closed for so long that the only word that remains on the window is "closed". There rain, wind and taggers have eradicated the rest of the message. The interior is gutted. Weeds grow through the cement cracks. My only thought: OMG! I am sitting in a traffic lane not moving until a car horn behind me brings me back to my senses. Pull the car around the one-way block and park in front of the building. Now, I have my second thought: I was just kidding....Really, it was just a joke. It's my turn to breath, just breath and start problem solving. First step is calling information and see if there is a new number. I get the telephone number that actually connects and I breath in relief. Now on to the next set of problems: Kate is muddy and crabby. Ash is sleeping and covered in sticky strawberry juice. We are in Glendora. It's already late afternoon with rush-hour traffic. Mom is coming in two hours for dinner and to help me with canning. I will be driving to the new location that is who knows where.

Man answers the phone and I confirm that this is the same Tolteca that was located on Azusa Ave. Ask him to give me directions from the old location and tell him that I have a pen and paper ready. He laughs and laughs. I know that I'm doomed - he's going to tell that the new location is in Palm Springs, San Diego, Barstow or some other unreachable location at this hour. Then he gives me the instructions: Look up the road 100 yards on the left. You will see the 10ft tall letters spelling "Tolteca" in bold print. Parking is under the sign.

Touche'.

Here is the sign with the 10-foot tall letters. Hard to miss, eh?

The two pictures that follow depict two recent exploits at Tolteca. The first (with James in uniform) was taken immediately upon his arrival for R&R - it was the first place he wanted to go! The following picture was taken the last time James and I went to Tolteca, and it was the first visit that Zach and Matt made there together.

Learn more about Tolteca's rich history and glorious food. Or, check out pictures of the beautiful new location that Tonya had difficulty finding! Next time she goes there, perhaps she'd like some driving directions?

Tolteca Fire

Dear Autumn & James:

Bad News: It is my sad and solemn duty to inform you that an industrial fire started within your beloved restaurant and the building has been rendered unusable. This sad news is compounded by the fact that the owners lacked the appropriate insurance. In these economic times, they don't intend on rebuilding. The city is in mourning and declaring that a landmark has been lost. I will attempt to save you a piece of the rubble in remembrance.

Good News: Autumn, you will never have to tolerate another meal at James' most favored restaurant and you can do so without guilt.

Better News: James, breathe. I am just kidding. Breathe. Breathe deep. The restaurant is still standing. I am just kidding!

Best News: I have devised a way to get you some real Tolteca salsa in Iraq - canning the stuff. Now, I just need to learn how to actually do it! Will start to work on this project ASAP.

Love - Tonya