Happily Ever After*

(*Please allow 90 to 120 days for the "Happily" part to kick in before calling to check on the status of your order. No refunds.)

This will probably be my last post, if not one of them. The "Isosceles Triangle" is now only a couple of miles on each side, and only during the day when Autumn and/or I are at work! I think OIT was a great idea and Autumn and I have given serious thought to a few suggestions that we should make a book out of it for posterity. Hopefully we figure out a good way to archive it so it does not fall into the pit of time, and if we do it right, we can probably open it up and read it from time to time.

I have tried to keep what I share happy and positive, not to create some sort of rosy illusion, but because most of my posts would look like this if I didn't:

"I came off another self-imposed 16 hour day today and had a terrible workout. I tried to call Autumn but no one around the phone knew where she was, and I didn't bother leaving a message I knew wouldn't get to her in a reasonable amount of time. I guess it's just another Monday. The network change we have been planning for two weeks seemed to work at first, but ended up failing sometime after I left. The redundant link stayed up, but I do not know what to try next, so I guess it's time to prepare for a few days of frustrating and embarrassing briefings while we beat our heads against the wall thinking. It sure would have been nice to be able to take an engineering-level class on this equipment, but what did I expect when we did not know the mission we trained for was not the mission we would end up doing? Only six more days until my next down day, large pizza, and sleep sweet sleep."

A couple of those posts and we might as well shade the Isosceles Triangle a nice, creamed-pinto-bean beige to represent the feelings of frustration, apathy, and regret. No, I thought it best to take the gems from the year, dust them off, and share them with everyone so the interesting parts of life are immortalized and the daily drudge fades.

So, I'm not going to sift through and find the "things worth remembering" in this post. It is not because I am not so far away or because there is nothing interesting to tell, but here at the end of the journey, I find that the interesting parts contain a measure of frustration, apathy, regret, and even pain. Omitting this would make my contributions a pleasantly incomplete story, and that is something I might regret when I read this on the eve of my next deployment. Epilogues aren't always the neat little bow on the outside of a wrapped present, right?

So what have I been doing and what has happened to me since I last posted?

I made it back from where I came. Redeployment was everything the experienced guys told us it would be, though there is no way to fully articulate just how excruciatingly slow everything moves when you are trying to leave. Someone, somewhere, at some time in the past has done every self-destructive thing imaginable during redeployment, so there is a briefing, pamphlet, form, or counseling session to cover the Army's butt on it. We sat through briefings where we were told to be careful what ATM we use to withdraw money, don't drink excessively, be patient when you reintegrate with your friends and family - all reasonable so far. However, we were also shotgunned through anti-suicide briefings, at least 4 that included the speaker saying he/she was pleased to be the one to inform us we have benefits under the VA as combat veterans now, and a briefing to synchronize us filling out our travel vouchers (Government version of a commercial expense report for business travel) which ended up being reconvened two more times. I can say it was at least not as bad as mobilizing on the front end of the deployment, where we were "trained" in automatic weapons fired from moving vehicles and how to speak Arabic. I am sure if you are reading this you also read Autumn's account of how she orchestrated a trip for her, Matt, and a bunch of my friends to come to my welcome home ceremony - that was something I did not expect and that no one told me would happen ... !









I got a tattoo. My brother, Charles, and I had been talking about it for a long time, and we decided to get the same tattoo in the same place - a cool design from a Japanese cartoon on the top left of the chest. I don't know if I would have had any more or less inhibition had I not just come back from deployment, but certainly not being able to fulfill our plans while I was away made it all the more satisfying when we finally got it done. Two months after getting it, I can still say I like it, so at least I'm not looking up laser removal clinics. The design we chose has meaning to us on many levels, though I won't detail it all here.





I joined the Regular Army. I am now stationed at Fort Bliss, just like Autumn, and it's almost like we have regular jobs with the same company (commercial company, that is). She has been on travel for a few days, but before she left, we had lunch 3 of the previous 7 days, and we bring Matt to see each other briefly at work on days when one works and the other does not. I make less money, and I am certainly working a lot less without having to manage both my Army career and my full-time civilian career. I am sad I am not working with John Lagozzino and Bob Randolph at GDIT right now, but living in El Paso would prohibit that anyway. We have a few years left here and I want to make the most of it - what I was really going for was what Autumn and I had in high school, which was separate academic careers on the same campus with some of the same activities. I used to play practical jokes on her, surprise her, and generally do things you do to a girl when you like her. When I was working my civilian job in Virginia, I was a one hour drive (each way) from where Autumn was, if she was at the closest hospital! Forget lunch, let alone kindling our respective inner teenagers!





I said goodbye ... again. I left good friends in Delaware, Virginia, and Maryland when I left for Iraq, but it was not reconnecting when I got back that was really goodbye. It's hard for me to say goodbye (silently or otherwise), but harder for me to correspond, as I am sure everyone will agree I am probably one of the worst correspondents this side of three degrees of separation. I will miss my friends, but I would rather say goodbye and remember the relationships as happy than watch them suffocate as I try haplessly to keep frequent communication alive. I did this when I left Hong Kong in 1989, Glendora in 1993, Claremont in 1997, Ithaca in 2001, Georgia in 2007, and probably El Paso in 2012. My memories are strewn with the remnants of old friends the way they were when I last saw them, if not with faces, at least the essence. Lots of things remind me of people I used to know, and who I suppose used to know me. It makes me feel lonely and apprehensive about making new friends.

I have been replaced. Before I left Iraq, I discovered that while Autumn and I had not kept in touch as often as we both would have liked, she found friends with whom she continues to keep in touch in both the medical and the Special Forces communities. That is not a bad thing (I found good friends serving in Iraq), but Autumn has made it clear to me that given a choice of communicating with them or communicating with me on virtually every topic, she is, for the time being, more comfortable communicating with them. I know this because I asked her "not to choose them over me again" now that we're both back, and she not only didn't say "Ok, yes, I won't", she said "it's going to take some time, and you will just have to live with it". So I am living with it, we have a big pink elephant in the corner, and maybe someday I will find I am #1 in her life again. We have talked about it once since she told me to suck it up, and it was a good conversation, but I am still mourning the loss of our intimacy and intensely resentful and jealous of the people who have seemingly replaced me.

I reconnected with my son. I just finished building him a playset that he really likes - the kind with a slide and swings, a climbing wall, a net, and even a little ship steering wheel, and also the kind he used all summer at his cousins' houses. I can be the only one in the room and he is good with it, he smiles when I come in from work, and I can take him on errands without it being a huge cryfest. Those things were not true the few weeks after I got home, and I thought the alienation would never subside, but it has. We are currently working on him letting me put him to bed, which requires a vanishing act by Loretta and/or Autumn at bedtime so I am seemingly the only one around. I guess if dad is a distant 3rd, and he's the only one there, it's ok for him to read books, sing nursery rhymes, and sleep on the floor next to the bed until sleep comes. All in good time, I suppose - something I have a little more faith in now.











I think that about covers it. Hopefully the asterisk on "Happily Ever After" comes down sooner rather than later, but for now, it's a good start with a way to go.

When It Rains, It Pours

I posted a couple months ago about how mail works over here in Iraq, which is really a "best effort" extension of how it works back home; the military post offices here collect mail from us and inject it into the mail system at home, and from there we wait the requisite time for delivery. Priority Mail, for instance, takes 2-3 days normally, so if we use it over here, it is however long it takes to get to the US, plus that 2 or 3 days. Getting mail from the US to here works the same way, only in reverse, with mail addressed to my ZIP first getting delivered to the Army, then flown here by them or a contractor on a best effort basis.

I mention all of this because I got four packages today, some of which have postmarks from two weeks ago!!

So, without further ado, the first package I got was:


Shoelaces. I opened this one on the spot at our supply office, since I got an email that an order came in. Yes, I really got a plastic envelope with two sets of shoelaces in them (bootlaces to be more precise). The Army set up this system to replace uniform-related stuff in country that wears out and ... (ok, I think no one cares about the shoe/boot laces).

I took the laces and went back to my housing unit, where I discovered my roommate, Bob, had picked up my mail for me - the other three packages, which I did not know were waiting for me at this point. He reminded me as I gleefully started cutting them open that he recently carried a large metal pole for some distance, which was currently providing us Internet (I knew I would not live that one down for a while ...). I assured him that if these were what I thought they were, I could repay him in spades!

So, the second package was:




SALSA!!! Yes, like the "precious" One Ring from Tolkien's classic, I knew it immediately when I saw the lids of the iconic jars Tonya picked in which to "can" them. I spent a few minutes telling Bob the importance of what I held in my hand, the history behind Tolteca, and how I could not get this salsa even when I was in Maryland. I guess if you are outside of driving distance from Tolteca, you might as well be on the moon if you are trying to get salsa there. Yet, here was a jar, in my hand.




The verdict: it was still good! Obviously, I did not have a reference dish of salsa to do a more scientific comparison, but really, it tasted great. I guess I don't necessarily want to know if there's supposed to be a difference when you perform the canning process if I can't tell as I'm devouring it. Still not convinced himself, Bob took a taste:


... and score another one with the broad side of the chalk for Tonya and Tolteca (but I'm still not forgiven for the metal pole incident). In all, she sent 12 of the jars, which hold a reasonable sitting's worth of salsa (probably about 2 dishes in the restaurant), and rationing it out I go through about a half-jar at a time.

The third package was another bag of chips from Tonya, pictured to the left in the next photo. That brings my stock to three bags, which each supposedly have around 220 chips.

The fourth package was yet another huge surprise ... a birthday party kit from Kathy!


Yes, that is a cake in the middle of the box, and the jar to the lower left is frosting. There are a couple of containers of "drizzle" in there too, which I guess is supposed to go on top of the frosting from what I read of the instructions. There are plates, candles, and little confetti, all emphasizing that it will be the "Big 3-0" for me in a couple of days. I'm leaving it as sealed as I can until Friday, when I will decorate a little, borrow a lighter from the smokers next door, and do a field-expedient birthday celebration!

One of the best parts of the kit was the DVD with pictures of Kathy and Matt making the cake - there are a few pictures of John feeding Matt lunch and getting him ready for the hard afternoon of quality testing (what other expertise does a guy with cheeks like that have?), then the lunacy of baking a cake with a 17-month old is chronicled in a series of pictures of Kathy and Matt working at the island in her kitchen. There were about a dozen prints, which I taped to the wall by some of the other pictures.

There were also Kathy's classic baked goodies in with the kit, which did not make it quite as unscathed as the cake and the salsa:


The Oatmeal Carmelitas on the top shelf and the Poppy Seed Bread on the bottom right didn't get mushed, they got baked more! It has been around 105-110 here for the past week or so, and the postmarks on the boxes indicate they've spent at least two in transit. I didn't see anything wrong with the OCs or the bread, so I put them in the fridge to firm up a bit. Bob thinks that aside from sticking to the bag a bit, they're going to make good midnight snacks (we are flush with things like microwave popcorn and small candies, but these are a meal!). The Pumpkin Bread on the lower left made it just fine, albeit a bit warm, so it's going in the fridge for a bit too.

Whew! What a great birthday I'm going to have in a few days!! Thanks Tonya and Kathy!

P.S. By the way, thanks for making the runs to the Post Office, John ... I noticed the customs forms mostly seem to have your name on them!

Caper at Vons Supermarket

This recent story was relayed orally by Matt's Grandpa Frank via skype session. I asked him to put the shenanigans on paper for all to enjoy!!

Matthew is strong for his age. One learns this when trying to pry his hand off something he doesn't want to give up. The grip he musters when climbing things is particularly impressive. Most impressive is his recent Caper at Vons Supermarket.

Matthew and I have a daily patrol involving a number of routes and places that need checking. We now have a coterie of dog friends, shop keepers, joggers, relatives with offices downtown, and those who ooh and ahh over Matt's classic looks and cheerfulness. Our favorite place is the supermarket, because their shelves have a lot of interesting stuff.

So there we were, tooling down aisles looking for some action when the pickle section appeared. I thought I might want some dill pickles, so I parked Matt and his stroller immediately across the aisle near the mayonnaise. Over the years I have developed a number of defensive protocols, one of which led me to place Matt a good 12 inches from the jars of mayonnaise. This put them barely within his reach. In any case they were too large and too heavy for him to get off the shelf. I felt it was safe to turn my back while I scanned the pickle offerings.

I decided against the pickles and turned to the stroller. There was Matthew, about to put his finger in an opened jar of mayonnaise! I reached with all my considerable swiftness for his hand, and got it just before his finger sullied the mayonnaise. He looked up at me with an expression of alarm, and I'm sure he was thinking, 'Get your own jar of mayonnaise.' In restoring the lid to it's rightful position, I noticed that to remove the lid one had to break a fairly thick plastic neck ring. The bottle was heavy, as expected, and the lid quite large in relation to his hand size. I think one really had to be there to appreciate the strength needed to do what Matthew did.

There have been other supermarket adventures. Matthew likes to have items he can stash around himself in the stroller. Hence, we usually get an orange and apple to carry around while we are in the store. The apple quickly gets a battle scarred look, as Matthew leisurely nibbles at the shiny red skin. The other day we got a large acorn squash and a small watermelon at the same time. After a while, Matthew began to feel crowded and he threw the squash out. On picking it up, I noticed a slight split, so we had to buy it. No real problem, as Tita used it to make her legendary 'squash and chicken' dish. I managed to get the watermelon just before it met the same fate.

On another occasion Matthew got hold of two string beans. When we got to the checkout counter, one bean had been badly wounded and the other showed signs of bite marks. The manager graciously did not charge us for these items.

Further additions to Matthew's second year resume' will be reported as they happen.

Thanks, Frank, for this addition to our ever-growing blog!

Happy Cinco de Mayo

Cinco de Mayo was celebrated by picking strawberries at Cal Poly Pomona. The university (Uncle Chuck's alma mater) has a large U-Pick strawberry field that welcomes kids and parents (or aunts) to pick the berries.

Zach and Matt spent most of the time running in the mud and eating berries and dirt. Kate and Ashley understood the concept a little better and actually picked large, sweet RED strawberries. Turns out some were small and green but we picked those too!

After the strawberry picking was farm races. We ran up and down the fields getting dirty and sweaty. Matt enjoyed crawling up and down the stairs. He is becoming really mobile. He has great dexterity and said "up" when he went up the stairs.

By this time everyone was hungry despite eating half the strawberries we picked. Totaling $10 worth of berries for young Uncle James to eat! We corraled the kids and managed to escape the heat at Chick-Fil-A. This is a local fast food chain one step above McDonalds. They offer nutritious chicken selections that are a little less greasy than most fast food. The kids seemed to enjoy their nuggets. Which were scarfed before rushing off to the play place. Kate and Ashley climbed on all the equipment including the windy slides. Matt was able to climb up and down the big kid stairs and spent the entire afternoon navigating the equipment with speed and a HUGE smile. Both aunts even climbed up to chase him! And Zach had fun in the toddler area looking at himself in the wacky mirror and playing with the beads.

Matt says too many words now to count and uses them all in the correct context. He has definitely bonded with Aunt Tonya and wants her in his sight at all times. Especially in the busy restaurant. But as long as she is near he is extremely happy and willing to participate in just about anything. We couldn't wipe the grin off his face until he finally fell asleep on the car ride home!

It was a great day and so much fun spending time with this brood. I think its highlight of the week. Certainly the kids seem to enjoy it even if the moms are a bit exhausted.

Thanks to Aunt Tonya who documented the day with pictures you can view here:

http://picasaweb.google.com/mtsadsad/StrawberryFieldsForever?feat=email#5332475317634800546

Zachary's First Birthday

The cousins helped Zachary celebrate his first birthday. All his friends and family met at the local park for a full day of fun consisting of jumping in the bounce-n-slide that Daddy bought, a Transformers pinata full of candy, birthday cake, more sugar, more sugar, presents and the taco lady! While it wasn't La Tolteca, fresh made tacos certainly hit the spot.


Matt really enjoyed himself on the slide and swings at the park. He was full of energy and ran the length of the park atleast twice with Loretta tailing him. Ashley really whacked the pinata and was able to collect an entire bag full of candy. Kate made fast friends with the other kids and was a great helper with Zach. I wonder if Kate thinks Zach actually belongs to her now? And Michael (without Tonya who was working) looked a little frazzled keeping up with two wild girls.


Zach had a great nap that morning and was wide-eyed throughout the whole day. He allowed everyone to hold and kiss him despite Dad's worries of swine flu. And Zach certainly enjoyed his birthday cake.

James' Lolo and Lola (Grandpa and Grandma) really enjoyed spending time with Matt. Lola said (with accent) "Oooh my! He is a big strong boy!" He almost weighs as much as Lola... well not quite! :) Actually they said he was so beautiful and hope to spend more time with him very soon.

Here are more pictures of the whole day:
http://zacharysfirstbirthday.shutterfly.com

Chino Youth Museum

The cousins were so excited to see Matt on Tuesday! They had something extra special planned for the kid...

Our weekly playdate had missed Cheekfeast last week due to transportation issues. To see pictures of the cousins playing at the waterpark, view album here: http://picasaweb.google.com/mtsadsad/SplashPark?feat=email#

Zach did a great job in the water and of course the girls really enjoyed themselves. I'm sure Matt would have a great time so we'll have to revisit this event especially with the summer heat we're expecting to get. James' blog mentioned 120 degree temperatures in Iraq and while we don't expect to get there, we'll still rub it in when we're splashing in the fountains with his kid.

Since the big girls are pros at daytrips, Kate and Ashley planned a special tour for the boys. Zach was excited but Aunt Shannon grumbled at getting up so early. Props to Aunt Tonya who made all the arrangements to get up at dawn and fight traffic to pick up Matt. Sidenote: I am definitely open to commuting arrangements, suggestions and/or ways to share transportation if anyone has ideas!

I heard the car ride was a thrill for Matt who was excited to see Aunt Tonya. He used many new words to describe things he saw along the way including "truck" and "car". Matt talked Aunt Tonya's ear off and she couldn't get a word in edgewise! Once we all finally got to the secret destination, the Chino Youth Museum, the kids were antsy to get out and play. This is a great museum designed for kids that is truly interactive. Here is more information about the museum: http://www.chinoyouthmuseum.com/

When we arrived the kids all split into different directions. Kate immediately befriended another little girl, Ashley went to explore the science exhibit, Matt headed for the stairs (of course) and Zach found a quiet corner to take his nap.

The museum is designed so the kids can explore on their own but moms can still keep an eye on multiple wandering kids. We explored the solar system, a playhouse, a new water stages exhibit, police and firefighters jobs, house set-up, barn with slide(!), mail system and a coloring center.

Again, I say this every time but its great to see the different developmental stages with these kids. Kate organized the tour through the different sections, Ashley used all the tools and buttons to manipulate features, Matt was so excited to experience something new he ran everywhere and really had a chance to use his new words, and Zach newly mobile walked on his own and explored simple movement tasks like opening doors and climbing.

I always enjoy going to the museum and even got in the action. Tonya did me no favors by taking pictures to capture the moment! No, I'm not sick - I just look horrible in the photos. And drumroll... here are the pictures with captions to describe the events better than I can narrate: http://picasaweb.google.com/mtsadsad/ChinoYouthMuseum?feat=email#slideshow/5329847591245060546

Four kids five and under up at dawn and overstimulated. Well, you can understand we took an early lunch at the water fountain. Kate and Ashley obviously have great motor skills and understand boundaries, Matt has good motor skills (loves climbing!) and learning boundaries, Zach is just feeling comfortable walking and can't escape so the boundaries are not an issue. But the boys try to keep up with the girls and go everywhere they do, so the aunts looked alternately like pack mules and traffic cops. Needless to say we found a quiet spot on the grass for lunch.

Again, the girls finished lunch quickly and went to play while the boys take twice as long. But this gave Matt the chance he was looking for to steal Aunt Tonya. He sat in her lap and wouldn't budge. He was very attached to her and wanted her in his sight every moment. While he has definitely bonded with the gang, the activities are still new to him and he wanted the comfort of Aunt Tonya. But poor Aunt Tonya had to manage to carry Matt (who we know is not a little waif) and contest with Ashley who was not jealous per se but was trying to figure out her role not as the baby in the mix. Despite my lamentations, it really was a fun day - and naps were had by all including the aunts!

The Message Bean

I got some good news about a week ago - from a bean plant:

The bean plant

"A what?" you ask? Yes, I didn't type that incorrectly. It was somehow written on the side of a bean seed, so when the bean sprouted, it exposed the text. I started watering it about three weeks ago, and it took around a week for the sprout to break ground, then a day or two for the husk to show with the message. Here's me with my new bean plant (it still brightens up the Engineering area even after it's delivered its message):


So this blog entry has actually been about 4 months in the making. Tita, Autumn and Matt sent me this bean plant back in December, when it was pretty cold out here, so I left the plant in the shipping materials (a can with a removable top) for a warmer time. After I had been back from leave for about a month, I stumbled on it, and eventually made it into work carrying it in my cargo pocket. It did really well under the fluorescent lights and the indoor air, which is a bit warm now despite the air conditioning. It's only the beginning of the heat - it's rumored to reach 120 degrees out here, which is basically like Palm Springs if it were on another planet.

The bean plant has garnered quite a following in the office, being the only real plant there. There are people (of course), rats, roaches, and various insects, but this is really the only plant. The first encounter with someone usually involves the bean's backstory, and I get a rash of daily status seekers, all looking it over to see if it has been attacked by insects, burned by the nearby copier, or even some who wonder if it is still there (I think they're plotting its doom). In any case, I'm sure going to miss it when it's gone. I guess I know how Tom Hanks felt about that volleyball in "Castaway" ...

Oh yeah, the message. Tita, Autumn and Matt wanted to let me know: "I love you"!

Zoo Crew pictures and video

Drum roll please ...

Here are the pictures (in slideshow format) of Matt's recent visit to the LA Zoo. You'll see pictures of all of the things Tonya talked about in her post; in fact, you may consider re-reading the post to get the most out of the slideshow that follows.



Here is my first attempt at uploading video! You can see for yourself what a handful Matt is. :)

Egging

We took Matt and Zach out egging in Glendora. The two boys are just like their dads and I think they hit a few of the same spots too...

Actually the cousins all went easter egging. The Easter bunny visited the Glendora apartments and hid eggs all around the gardens.

Kaitlin was a great helper and encouraged the boys by showing them where the "boy eggs" were aka the easy ones. Kaitlin was able to find even the hardest eggs in the bushes. She even took a moment out to climb a tree. In the end she became the Easter bunny and hid the eggs all over again.

Ashley only wanted to find the "girl eggs" aka the hidden ones. She especially liked the fancy sparkly eggs and the candy inside! Ashley was more concerned with finding the eggs that had hidden treats than finding the most eggs. Thankfully she shared her candy with Aunt Shannon!

Matt just wanted to run around outside and the shiny colored ovals were an added bonus. Maybe Matt didn't understand the objective to FIND the eggs; he really enjoyed emptying the basket and watching Tita try to clean up the Easter "grass" inside the baskets. Matt also enjoyed running down the small hill toward the staircase and trying to climb as many stairs as possible before someone came and pulled him down.

Zach chilled in the sunshine and watched the shenanigans happening around him. Even though Zach just learned to walk, I think he was overwhelmed with all the activity and just stayed put for most of the action. The girls were very kind and emptied their baskets out for Zach. By the end of the day he was sitting in a HUGE pile of eggs. Thankfully my kid doesn't care how much I dress him up. Chuck said not to post this picture, but I just couldn't help myself. Besides the cousins need some ammo to pick on the littler ones with. Oh don't worry James (we're stockpiling the pictures of Matt to pull out when we really want to hold something against you).

Here are a few pictures of Tita catching Matt:Unfortunately, Aunt Tonya got stuck with most of the clean-up...
After the hunt, we enjoyed a little lunch. While we were wrapping up the day and saying good bye, we were talking about mommy and daddy. Tita asked where mommy was and Matt looked at all the pictures of mommy hung in the living room. Tita asked again "where is mommy?" and Matt pointed at the picture of mommy. Then Tita asked "where's daddy?" and drumroll please.... Matt said "daddy". It was clear and distinct and an exact formation of the complete word. We were all so pleased and started clapping. But of course Matt wouldn't say it again no matter how much we begged and pleaded.

Tech Savvy

Well dad, I know you had every hope of being the first tech-teacher for Matt. But it seems that Uncle Chuck has beat you to the punch. Cheekfeast now has his own gmail address and skype account (actually that's even more tech savvy than Chuck).

Matt helped Uncle Chuck build his own desk and set-up his own computer. Granted it is an OLD computer (I mean OLD) but it is perfect for skyping with mom. We did a little test run with Autumn but we didn't have speakers so unfortunately she got to hear us but we couldn't hear her. It was a little awkward... Next we'll try a gmail video with dad!