Happily Ever After*

(*Please allow 90 to 120 days for the "Happily" part to kick in before calling to check on the status of your order. No refunds.)

This will probably be my last post, if not one of them. The "Isosceles Triangle" is now only a couple of miles on each side, and only during the day when Autumn and/or I are at work! I think OIT was a great idea and Autumn and I have given serious thought to a few suggestions that we should make a book out of it for posterity. Hopefully we figure out a good way to archive it so it does not fall into the pit of time, and if we do it right, we can probably open it up and read it from time to time.

I have tried to keep what I share happy and positive, not to create some sort of rosy illusion, but because most of my posts would look like this if I didn't:

"I came off another self-imposed 16 hour day today and had a terrible workout. I tried to call Autumn but no one around the phone knew where she was, and I didn't bother leaving a message I knew wouldn't get to her in a reasonable amount of time. I guess it's just another Monday. The network change we have been planning for two weeks seemed to work at first, but ended up failing sometime after I left. The redundant link stayed up, but I do not know what to try next, so I guess it's time to prepare for a few days of frustrating and embarrassing briefings while we beat our heads against the wall thinking. It sure would have been nice to be able to take an engineering-level class on this equipment, but what did I expect when we did not know the mission we trained for was not the mission we would end up doing? Only six more days until my next down day, large pizza, and sleep sweet sleep."

A couple of those posts and we might as well shade the Isosceles Triangle a nice, creamed-pinto-bean beige to represent the feelings of frustration, apathy, and regret. No, I thought it best to take the gems from the year, dust them off, and share them with everyone so the interesting parts of life are immortalized and the daily drudge fades.

So, I'm not going to sift through and find the "things worth remembering" in this post. It is not because I am not so far away or because there is nothing interesting to tell, but here at the end of the journey, I find that the interesting parts contain a measure of frustration, apathy, regret, and even pain. Omitting this would make my contributions a pleasantly incomplete story, and that is something I might regret when I read this on the eve of my next deployment. Epilogues aren't always the neat little bow on the outside of a wrapped present, right?

So what have I been doing and what has happened to me since I last posted?

I made it back from where I came. Redeployment was everything the experienced guys told us it would be, though there is no way to fully articulate just how excruciatingly slow everything moves when you are trying to leave. Someone, somewhere, at some time in the past has done every self-destructive thing imaginable during redeployment, so there is a briefing, pamphlet, form, or counseling session to cover the Army's butt on it. We sat through briefings where we were told to be careful what ATM we use to withdraw money, don't drink excessively, be patient when you reintegrate with your friends and family - all reasonable so far. However, we were also shotgunned through anti-suicide briefings, at least 4 that included the speaker saying he/she was pleased to be the one to inform us we have benefits under the VA as combat veterans now, and a briefing to synchronize us filling out our travel vouchers (Government version of a commercial expense report for business travel) which ended up being reconvened two more times. I can say it was at least not as bad as mobilizing on the front end of the deployment, where we were "trained" in automatic weapons fired from moving vehicles and how to speak Arabic. I am sure if you are reading this you also read Autumn's account of how she orchestrated a trip for her, Matt, and a bunch of my friends to come to my welcome home ceremony - that was something I did not expect and that no one told me would happen ... !









I got a tattoo. My brother, Charles, and I had been talking about it for a long time, and we decided to get the same tattoo in the same place - a cool design from a Japanese cartoon on the top left of the chest. I don't know if I would have had any more or less inhibition had I not just come back from deployment, but certainly not being able to fulfill our plans while I was away made it all the more satisfying when we finally got it done. Two months after getting it, I can still say I like it, so at least I'm not looking up laser removal clinics. The design we chose has meaning to us on many levels, though I won't detail it all here.





I joined the Regular Army. I am now stationed at Fort Bliss, just like Autumn, and it's almost like we have regular jobs with the same company (commercial company, that is). She has been on travel for a few days, but before she left, we had lunch 3 of the previous 7 days, and we bring Matt to see each other briefly at work on days when one works and the other does not. I make less money, and I am certainly working a lot less without having to manage both my Army career and my full-time civilian career. I am sad I am not working with John Lagozzino and Bob Randolph at GDIT right now, but living in El Paso would prohibit that anyway. We have a few years left here and I want to make the most of it - what I was really going for was what Autumn and I had in high school, which was separate academic careers on the same campus with some of the same activities. I used to play practical jokes on her, surprise her, and generally do things you do to a girl when you like her. When I was working my civilian job in Virginia, I was a one hour drive (each way) from where Autumn was, if she was at the closest hospital! Forget lunch, let alone kindling our respective inner teenagers!





I said goodbye ... again. I left good friends in Delaware, Virginia, and Maryland when I left for Iraq, but it was not reconnecting when I got back that was really goodbye. It's hard for me to say goodbye (silently or otherwise), but harder for me to correspond, as I am sure everyone will agree I am probably one of the worst correspondents this side of three degrees of separation. I will miss my friends, but I would rather say goodbye and remember the relationships as happy than watch them suffocate as I try haplessly to keep frequent communication alive. I did this when I left Hong Kong in 1989, Glendora in 1993, Claremont in 1997, Ithaca in 2001, Georgia in 2007, and probably El Paso in 2012. My memories are strewn with the remnants of old friends the way they were when I last saw them, if not with faces, at least the essence. Lots of things remind me of people I used to know, and who I suppose used to know me. It makes me feel lonely and apprehensive about making new friends.

I have been replaced. Before I left Iraq, I discovered that while Autumn and I had not kept in touch as often as we both would have liked, she found friends with whom she continues to keep in touch in both the medical and the Special Forces communities. That is not a bad thing (I found good friends serving in Iraq), but Autumn has made it clear to me that given a choice of communicating with them or communicating with me on virtually every topic, she is, for the time being, more comfortable communicating with them. I know this because I asked her "not to choose them over me again" now that we're both back, and she not only didn't say "Ok, yes, I won't", she said "it's going to take some time, and you will just have to live with it". So I am living with it, we have a big pink elephant in the corner, and maybe someday I will find I am #1 in her life again. We have talked about it once since she told me to suck it up, and it was a good conversation, but I am still mourning the loss of our intimacy and intensely resentful and jealous of the people who have seemingly replaced me.

I reconnected with my son. I just finished building him a playset that he really likes - the kind with a slide and swings, a climbing wall, a net, and even a little ship steering wheel, and also the kind he used all summer at his cousins' houses. I can be the only one in the room and he is good with it, he smiles when I come in from work, and I can take him on errands without it being a huge cryfest. Those things were not true the few weeks after I got home, and I thought the alienation would never subside, but it has. We are currently working on him letting me put him to bed, which requires a vanishing act by Loretta and/or Autumn at bedtime so I am seemingly the only one around. I guess if dad is a distant 3rd, and he's the only one there, it's ok for him to read books, sing nursery rhymes, and sleep on the floor next to the bed until sleep comes. All in good time, I suppose - something I have a little more faith in now.











I think that about covers it. Hopefully the asterisk on "Happily Ever After" comes down sooner rather than later, but for now, it's a good start with a way to go.

Low-tech Blogging

If you're reading this, I'm confident you think as I do about OIT (Operation Isosceles Triangle): it's a good place to get your weekly dose of the Fantastic Four's (Matt, Zach, Ash and Kate's) adventures with moms, aunts, and grandparents. Once in a while you also get an update from Afghanistan and Iraq, much like the Voyager spacecraft send telemetry when they encounter something interesting (but just send "I'm here" otherwise).

Before I left, I tried to assemble some pictures to tape to the wall to remind me, laptop or not, what home looks like. I asked for pictures in some cases, drew from the thousands we have on hard drives at home, and Autumn was nice enough to get some posters printed of collages. The result was a wall of pictures in my room, and assorted pictures that I cycle through at work.

When Kate and Ash discovered they could mail things to me, I started getting short notes expressing their various musings (like "this is a cat", written on an abstract reimagining of a cat) and their art masterpieces. Tonya advised me to enjoy the art briefly, then not worry about preserving it because there would be another wave in the mail in a couple days - good lord was she right about the production capability of the girls! I have actually managed to keep most of it, and I post the best ones on my ceiling and one of the wall panels next to the pictures Autumn sent:


My iPhone camera is kind of crappy, so there's not too much of a wide angle on it, but you get the idea. Anyway, I thought I would chronicle what happens each time I get Kinderart, since to the girls it must seem like Uncle James always says "wow, you guys did a great job on the last batch" but I never show them where their stuff ends up. Here you go, Kate and Ash!

Step 1: Select the best of the batch and prepare the duct tape.

Sorry, girls, there's not enough duct tape in theater to put up everything you've sent me. However, the best of it makes it to this stage, where I figure out what wall/ceiling panel it goes on:


Step 2: Roll duct tape and affix to perimeter of Kinderart.

Yes, everything you need to know about wallpapering a steel storage container that was converted into housing, you will learn in Kindergarten ...




Step 3: Press Kinderart onto wall.

Duct tape is amazing; it sticks even with dust covering the wall!


... and that's it! One "Ashley is Cool" sign on my ceiling just above where I look up when I sleep (thanks, Ash!).

Skypefeast!

I got to Skype with Matt today!!

At last, the stars aligned, and I was able to get my dad, Loretta, and Matt over to Loretta and Matt's place for a somewhat choppy Skype session. We resolved to meet around noon their time, 10 PM my time, and though it connected, it was pretty much unusable. We postponed for a couple hours, and at 2 PM their time, midnight my time, it worked considerably better. It is still not very good quality, but even video that updates once every couple of seconds is fine with me. I can also hear them just fine, but apparently my voice isn't getting through, so I resorted to typing what I wanted to say, and just listening the other way around. Not perfect, but it's a start!

I also got a headset for the XBox in the mail from my brother, and we were able to talk via XBox Live, which is really intended to set up gamers with each other to play games. It just so happens that being able to talk to each other was a valuable enough feature that it is included, and my roommate has an XBox 360 he barely uses now that he's beaten the only 2 games he brought with him.

When It Rains, It Pours

I posted a couple months ago about how mail works over here in Iraq, which is really a "best effort" extension of how it works back home; the military post offices here collect mail from us and inject it into the mail system at home, and from there we wait the requisite time for delivery. Priority Mail, for instance, takes 2-3 days normally, so if we use it over here, it is however long it takes to get to the US, plus that 2 or 3 days. Getting mail from the US to here works the same way, only in reverse, with mail addressed to my ZIP first getting delivered to the Army, then flown here by them or a contractor on a best effort basis.

I mention all of this because I got four packages today, some of which have postmarks from two weeks ago!!

So, without further ado, the first package I got was:


Shoelaces. I opened this one on the spot at our supply office, since I got an email that an order came in. Yes, I really got a plastic envelope with two sets of shoelaces in them (bootlaces to be more precise). The Army set up this system to replace uniform-related stuff in country that wears out and ... (ok, I think no one cares about the shoe/boot laces).

I took the laces and went back to my housing unit, where I discovered my roommate, Bob, had picked up my mail for me - the other three packages, which I did not know were waiting for me at this point. He reminded me as I gleefully started cutting them open that he recently carried a large metal pole for some distance, which was currently providing us Internet (I knew I would not live that one down for a while ...). I assured him that if these were what I thought they were, I could repay him in spades!

So, the second package was:




SALSA!!! Yes, like the "precious" One Ring from Tolkien's classic, I knew it immediately when I saw the lids of the iconic jars Tonya picked in which to "can" them. I spent a few minutes telling Bob the importance of what I held in my hand, the history behind Tolteca, and how I could not get this salsa even when I was in Maryland. I guess if you are outside of driving distance from Tolteca, you might as well be on the moon if you are trying to get salsa there. Yet, here was a jar, in my hand.




The verdict: it was still good! Obviously, I did not have a reference dish of salsa to do a more scientific comparison, but really, it tasted great. I guess I don't necessarily want to know if there's supposed to be a difference when you perform the canning process if I can't tell as I'm devouring it. Still not convinced himself, Bob took a taste:


... and score another one with the broad side of the chalk for Tonya and Tolteca (but I'm still not forgiven for the metal pole incident). In all, she sent 12 of the jars, which hold a reasonable sitting's worth of salsa (probably about 2 dishes in the restaurant), and rationing it out I go through about a half-jar at a time.

The third package was another bag of chips from Tonya, pictured to the left in the next photo. That brings my stock to three bags, which each supposedly have around 220 chips.

The fourth package was yet another huge surprise ... a birthday party kit from Kathy!


Yes, that is a cake in the middle of the box, and the jar to the lower left is frosting. There are a couple of containers of "drizzle" in there too, which I guess is supposed to go on top of the frosting from what I read of the instructions. There are plates, candles, and little confetti, all emphasizing that it will be the "Big 3-0" for me in a couple of days. I'm leaving it as sealed as I can until Friday, when I will decorate a little, borrow a lighter from the smokers next door, and do a field-expedient birthday celebration!

One of the best parts of the kit was the DVD with pictures of Kathy and Matt making the cake - there are a few pictures of John feeding Matt lunch and getting him ready for the hard afternoon of quality testing (what other expertise does a guy with cheeks like that have?), then the lunacy of baking a cake with a 17-month old is chronicled in a series of pictures of Kathy and Matt working at the island in her kitchen. There were about a dozen prints, which I taped to the wall by some of the other pictures.

There were also Kathy's classic baked goodies in with the kit, which did not make it quite as unscathed as the cake and the salsa:


The Oatmeal Carmelitas on the top shelf and the Poppy Seed Bread on the bottom right didn't get mushed, they got baked more! It has been around 105-110 here for the past week or so, and the postmarks on the boxes indicate they've spent at least two in transit. I didn't see anything wrong with the OCs or the bread, so I put them in the fridge to firm up a bit. Bob thinks that aside from sticking to the bag a bit, they're going to make good midnight snacks (we are flush with things like microwave popcorn and small candies, but these are a meal!). The Pumpkin Bread on the lower left made it just fine, albeit a bit warm, so it's going in the fridge for a bit too.

Whew! What a great birthday I'm going to have in a few days!! Thanks Tonya and Kathy!

P.S. By the way, thanks for making the runs to the Post Office, John ... I noticed the customs forms mostly seem to have your name on them!

The power of family

I have always known that family was important. But I didn't know that here in Afghanistan, family is not just important, but it is crucial for the survival of children in the hospital. Not that our nurses and doctors are incapable of taking care of children; it's just that kids heal so much better when their families are present.

The 5 year old little girl with the penetrating head trauma has been in the hospital for several weeks now, and she has been getting feedings through a tube inserted into her nose. We have been trying endlessly to get her to take feeds by mouth, offering everything from applesauce to yogurt to milkshakes. Not only would she take nothing, but she would spit out the semi-solid food in disgust. She would not sip from a straw, and the only way we could get her to take any liquid was by squirting it into her mouth using a syringe. In her case, there are three reasons why she might not be eating:

(1) she's not hungry - this seems possible given that she's getting tube feeds and therefore her stomach is rarely empty

(2) she cannot eat - this doesn't seem likely given the location of her injury and the fact that she is able to swallow her own secretions

(3) she doesn't like the food - always a concern with these Afghan children; their diet is very different from the "typical" American diet we offer them in the hospital

We tried to "fix" problems #1 and #3 as best we could by offering her a wide variety of foods and slowing down her tube feeds to attempt to artifically create some hunger. But all of our efforts were to no avail; she still would only take a few ounces of liquid per day, nowhere near as much as she would need to in order to maintain her hydration and nutrition. A few days ago, it seemed that we had met an impasse.

Meanwhile, a few days ago, her uncle (who had been her guardian since a few days after the injury) needed to return home to take care of some personal matters. She was far less happy during his absence, and did not want to interact as much with the nurses. She no longer spoke or played. However, everything turned around once her uncle returned last night.

When he walked onto the ward and saw her sitting up in a chair (almost) by herself, he literally started crying. She had made a ton of progress in her rehabilitation since he last saw her. She was returned to her bed with her uncle at her side, and a few hours later the nurse went to check on her. Would you believe that there was an empty box of juice on her tray? When questioned, the uncle stated that she took the entire box - and she drank it by the straw! She was provided with a nutritional shake and a half banana, and with some help from her uncle, she took those too! Amazing.

This morning when I saw her, she was eating yogurt from a spoon. It was quite a happy sight, with her opening her mouth for more food and her uncle shoveling the yogurt in. (The trauma surgeon said that it reminded him of a little bird opening its mouth for food.) She will be transferred to a Red Cross rehab hospital today, and will follow up as an outpatient next week in order to track her weight, blood protein level, neurologic status, etc.

Thank goodness for happy endings!