Happily Ever After*

(*Please allow 90 to 120 days for the "Happily" part to kick in before calling to check on the status of your order. No refunds.)

This will probably be my last post, if not one of them. The "Isosceles Triangle" is now only a couple of miles on each side, and only during the day when Autumn and/or I are at work! I think OIT was a great idea and Autumn and I have given serious thought to a few suggestions that we should make a book out of it for posterity. Hopefully we figure out a good way to archive it so it does not fall into the pit of time, and if we do it right, we can probably open it up and read it from time to time.

I have tried to keep what I share happy and positive, not to create some sort of rosy illusion, but because most of my posts would look like this if I didn't:

"I came off another self-imposed 16 hour day today and had a terrible workout. I tried to call Autumn but no one around the phone knew where she was, and I didn't bother leaving a message I knew wouldn't get to her in a reasonable amount of time. I guess it's just another Monday. The network change we have been planning for two weeks seemed to work at first, but ended up failing sometime after I left. The redundant link stayed up, but I do not know what to try next, so I guess it's time to prepare for a few days of frustrating and embarrassing briefings while we beat our heads against the wall thinking. It sure would have been nice to be able to take an engineering-level class on this equipment, but what did I expect when we did not know the mission we trained for was not the mission we would end up doing? Only six more days until my next down day, large pizza, and sleep sweet sleep."

A couple of those posts and we might as well shade the Isosceles Triangle a nice, creamed-pinto-bean beige to represent the feelings of frustration, apathy, and regret. No, I thought it best to take the gems from the year, dust them off, and share them with everyone so the interesting parts of life are immortalized and the daily drudge fades.

So, I'm not going to sift through and find the "things worth remembering" in this post. It is not because I am not so far away or because there is nothing interesting to tell, but here at the end of the journey, I find that the interesting parts contain a measure of frustration, apathy, regret, and even pain. Omitting this would make my contributions a pleasantly incomplete story, and that is something I might regret when I read this on the eve of my next deployment. Epilogues aren't always the neat little bow on the outside of a wrapped present, right?

So what have I been doing and what has happened to me since I last posted?

I made it back from where I came. Redeployment was everything the experienced guys told us it would be, though there is no way to fully articulate just how excruciatingly slow everything moves when you are trying to leave. Someone, somewhere, at some time in the past has done every self-destructive thing imaginable during redeployment, so there is a briefing, pamphlet, form, or counseling session to cover the Army's butt on it. We sat through briefings where we were told to be careful what ATM we use to withdraw money, don't drink excessively, be patient when you reintegrate with your friends and family - all reasonable so far. However, we were also shotgunned through anti-suicide briefings, at least 4 that included the speaker saying he/she was pleased to be the one to inform us we have benefits under the VA as combat veterans now, and a briefing to synchronize us filling out our travel vouchers (Government version of a commercial expense report for business travel) which ended up being reconvened two more times. I can say it was at least not as bad as mobilizing on the front end of the deployment, where we were "trained" in automatic weapons fired from moving vehicles and how to speak Arabic. I am sure if you are reading this you also read Autumn's account of how she orchestrated a trip for her, Matt, and a bunch of my friends to come to my welcome home ceremony - that was something I did not expect and that no one told me would happen ... !









I got a tattoo. My brother, Charles, and I had been talking about it for a long time, and we decided to get the same tattoo in the same place - a cool design from a Japanese cartoon on the top left of the chest. I don't know if I would have had any more or less inhibition had I not just come back from deployment, but certainly not being able to fulfill our plans while I was away made it all the more satisfying when we finally got it done. Two months after getting it, I can still say I like it, so at least I'm not looking up laser removal clinics. The design we chose has meaning to us on many levels, though I won't detail it all here.





I joined the Regular Army. I am now stationed at Fort Bliss, just like Autumn, and it's almost like we have regular jobs with the same company (commercial company, that is). She has been on travel for a few days, but before she left, we had lunch 3 of the previous 7 days, and we bring Matt to see each other briefly at work on days when one works and the other does not. I make less money, and I am certainly working a lot less without having to manage both my Army career and my full-time civilian career. I am sad I am not working with John Lagozzino and Bob Randolph at GDIT right now, but living in El Paso would prohibit that anyway. We have a few years left here and I want to make the most of it - what I was really going for was what Autumn and I had in high school, which was separate academic careers on the same campus with some of the same activities. I used to play practical jokes on her, surprise her, and generally do things you do to a girl when you like her. When I was working my civilian job in Virginia, I was a one hour drive (each way) from where Autumn was, if she was at the closest hospital! Forget lunch, let alone kindling our respective inner teenagers!





I said goodbye ... again. I left good friends in Delaware, Virginia, and Maryland when I left for Iraq, but it was not reconnecting when I got back that was really goodbye. It's hard for me to say goodbye (silently or otherwise), but harder for me to correspond, as I am sure everyone will agree I am probably one of the worst correspondents this side of three degrees of separation. I will miss my friends, but I would rather say goodbye and remember the relationships as happy than watch them suffocate as I try haplessly to keep frequent communication alive. I did this when I left Hong Kong in 1989, Glendora in 1993, Claremont in 1997, Ithaca in 2001, Georgia in 2007, and probably El Paso in 2012. My memories are strewn with the remnants of old friends the way they were when I last saw them, if not with faces, at least the essence. Lots of things remind me of people I used to know, and who I suppose used to know me. It makes me feel lonely and apprehensive about making new friends.

I have been replaced. Before I left Iraq, I discovered that while Autumn and I had not kept in touch as often as we both would have liked, she found friends with whom she continues to keep in touch in both the medical and the Special Forces communities. That is not a bad thing (I found good friends serving in Iraq), but Autumn has made it clear to me that given a choice of communicating with them or communicating with me on virtually every topic, she is, for the time being, more comfortable communicating with them. I know this because I asked her "not to choose them over me again" now that we're both back, and she not only didn't say "Ok, yes, I won't", she said "it's going to take some time, and you will just have to live with it". So I am living with it, we have a big pink elephant in the corner, and maybe someday I will find I am #1 in her life again. We have talked about it once since she told me to suck it up, and it was a good conversation, but I am still mourning the loss of our intimacy and intensely resentful and jealous of the people who have seemingly replaced me.

I reconnected with my son. I just finished building him a playset that he really likes - the kind with a slide and swings, a climbing wall, a net, and even a little ship steering wheel, and also the kind he used all summer at his cousins' houses. I can be the only one in the room and he is good with it, he smiles when I come in from work, and I can take him on errands without it being a huge cryfest. Those things were not true the few weeks after I got home, and I thought the alienation would never subside, but it has. We are currently working on him letting me put him to bed, which requires a vanishing act by Loretta and/or Autumn at bedtime so I am seemingly the only one around. I guess if dad is a distant 3rd, and he's the only one there, it's ok for him to read books, sing nursery rhymes, and sleep on the floor next to the bed until sleep comes. All in good time, I suppose - something I have a little more faith in now.











I think that about covers it. Hopefully the asterisk on "Happily Ever After" comes down sooner rather than later, but for now, it's a good start with a way to go.

Low-tech Blogging

If you're reading this, I'm confident you think as I do about OIT (Operation Isosceles Triangle): it's a good place to get your weekly dose of the Fantastic Four's (Matt, Zach, Ash and Kate's) adventures with moms, aunts, and grandparents. Once in a while you also get an update from Afghanistan and Iraq, much like the Voyager spacecraft send telemetry when they encounter something interesting (but just send "I'm here" otherwise).

Before I left, I tried to assemble some pictures to tape to the wall to remind me, laptop or not, what home looks like. I asked for pictures in some cases, drew from the thousands we have on hard drives at home, and Autumn was nice enough to get some posters printed of collages. The result was a wall of pictures in my room, and assorted pictures that I cycle through at work.

When Kate and Ash discovered they could mail things to me, I started getting short notes expressing their various musings (like "this is a cat", written on an abstract reimagining of a cat) and their art masterpieces. Tonya advised me to enjoy the art briefly, then not worry about preserving it because there would be another wave in the mail in a couple days - good lord was she right about the production capability of the girls! I have actually managed to keep most of it, and I post the best ones on my ceiling and one of the wall panels next to the pictures Autumn sent:


My iPhone camera is kind of crappy, so there's not too much of a wide angle on it, but you get the idea. Anyway, I thought I would chronicle what happens each time I get Kinderart, since to the girls it must seem like Uncle James always says "wow, you guys did a great job on the last batch" but I never show them where their stuff ends up. Here you go, Kate and Ash!

Step 1: Select the best of the batch and prepare the duct tape.

Sorry, girls, there's not enough duct tape in theater to put up everything you've sent me. However, the best of it makes it to this stage, where I figure out what wall/ceiling panel it goes on:


Step 2: Roll duct tape and affix to perimeter of Kinderart.

Yes, everything you need to know about wallpapering a steel storage container that was converted into housing, you will learn in Kindergarten ...




Step 3: Press Kinderart onto wall.

Duct tape is amazing; it sticks even with dust covering the wall!


... and that's it! One "Ashley is Cool" sign on my ceiling just above where I look up when I sleep (thanks, Ash!).

Zachary's First Birthday

The cousins helped Zachary celebrate his first birthday. All his friends and family met at the local park for a full day of fun consisting of jumping in the bounce-n-slide that Daddy bought, a Transformers pinata full of candy, birthday cake, more sugar, more sugar, presents and the taco lady! While it wasn't La Tolteca, fresh made tacos certainly hit the spot.


Matt really enjoyed himself on the slide and swings at the park. He was full of energy and ran the length of the park atleast twice with Loretta tailing him. Ashley really whacked the pinata and was able to collect an entire bag full of candy. Kate made fast friends with the other kids and was a great helper with Zach. I wonder if Kate thinks Zach actually belongs to her now? And Michael (without Tonya who was working) looked a little frazzled keeping up with two wild girls.


Zach had a great nap that morning and was wide-eyed throughout the whole day. He allowed everyone to hold and kiss him despite Dad's worries of swine flu. And Zach certainly enjoyed his birthday cake.

James' Lolo and Lola (Grandpa and Grandma) really enjoyed spending time with Matt. Lola said (with accent) "Oooh my! He is a big strong boy!" He almost weighs as much as Lola... well not quite! :) Actually they said he was so beautiful and hope to spend more time with him very soon.

Here are more pictures of the whole day:
http://zacharysfirstbirthday.shutterfly.com

Zoo Crew

Written by Aunt Tonya, still waiting for pictures from Grandma Kathy ...

How many adults does it take to manage three little kids at the zoo? Well, we have answered the question: It takes no less than four! On Sunday, we attempted this experiment for ourselves at the LA Zoo. Just take a look at the supply and equipment issues: 3 car seats in one car with four adults, 1 double stroller, 3 snack bags, 2 diaper bags, 1 camera bag, 1 clothing bag with 6 jackets, 2 pillows for Ash, 2 stuffed bunnies for girls and 1 Luvie for Matt. Three stops required between Corona and LA. Upon arrival, everyone either had their hands full with a bag, a stroller or a child. Never let it be said that we do anything without being prepared!

Everyone had an incredible time, each in their own way. Kate was allowed to essentially run free. She moved from place to place without restriction ... jumping and climbing on everything in sight. Amazing to watch Kate try to read the information signs. She read by “filling in” the written words with her own facts/observations about each exhibit. When talking with her, the hippo was her favorite because she said that hippos play games by tipping over boats. (Wonder if the people that get their boats tipped on the Nile would have the same perspective.) Ashley loved the alligator family simply because she likes to play alligator games using her hands to go snap-snap.

Michael spent a good portion of the day chasing Ash through the crowd as she chased Kate. Mom, Dad or I always seemed to be chasing Matt in the opposite direction. (Note: people tend to move for a running toddler in a crowd but not for the adult that chasing them ... go figure. Just encourages the kid to run further and faster laughing all the way.) The situation became some what like herding cats. The kids would stop individually, but not collectively. A leaf here. A rock there. Muddy puddles in the garden. The list is endless.

Matt had a great time. Matt and I had to have another get-to-know-you period when we first arrived. It was too funny for words. He was happily sitting in the stroller until the flamingo exhibit where the bushes were too high for him to see. I released the front table tray on the stroller - he pulled it back in place with a frown. I unsnapped the lap restraint - he held it dropping his luvie at the same time. I got the luvie, put it on my shoulder, sat still not saying a word - he just looked at me. I sat - he looked and then decided that he could not reach luvie from his seat. He got out - I lifted him to see the birds. Issue resolved: he decided that it was much more fun to be held in my arms and be able to see the funny pink birds. Once he was comfortable being carried, we tried riding on my shoulders. He was happy as could be and sat quietly looking around until my shoulders hurt and I had to put him down. Letting Matt walk was my idea. His idea was to change this into another game of tag. Thankfully, the petting zoo was right around the corner. He did not seem to be afraid of any animal in the little zoo, even those that were twice his size. I was nervous with three kids roaming around live animals but Mike, Mom and I managed. Ash showed him how to brush the animals' coats and he did a pretty good job. No animals were harmed during this educational process. Although the animals were cool, the dirt was even more fun to kick and create dust clouds. Kate found a timid goat that she befriended.

We went on to do all the standard zoo things. We rode the tram - Ash just loves trains and sat happily. Kate sat with Mom and talked her ear off. Matt sat with Dad and me. He was so focused on watching all the new things that he sat still. Images played in my head of one or all of the kids falling off. We saw the zebras and tigers. We all had a typical junk-food lunch with not a fruit or vegetable in sight. Against my objection, Dad did make sure that Matt got milk instead of sharing my soda. We let the kids run up and down the paths and through the crowds and determine the stopping points. Ash actually found an animal that she did not like: the Kimono Dragons. Tried and tried to explain that "dragon" was just part of the name and they did not have wings to fly out of the cage. It was an attempt in vain.

We found the gorilla and young giraffe enclosure. All the kids were amazed by these two exhibits. Kate was standing at the gorilla exhibit up against the glass. Something startled a large gorilla and it charged the glass about 10 feet away from her. Obviously, Kate was then startled but recovered quickly. The funniest part was that she scolded this 300lb animal by saying "Don't do that or mommy will send you to timeout."

By late afternoon, both Matt and Ash could just go no further. The sandman was making a visit. Both opted to ride in the stroller. Binkies, luvies and pillows required. Ash's final words: "I'm not tired." Dad pushed the stroller for the next several minutes and both were fast asleep. Kate finished seeing the zoo alone which was just fine for my Prima Dona.

What did we learn? 1. Physical energy is wasted on the young - it should be given to adults, who do the majority of lifting, pushing and pulling. 2. I am old - thank God for all the helping hands. My shoulders actually hurt today. 3. A zoo visit with three kids under age five can actually be done and everyone can have a great time with precision planning. 4. The pictures will be worth a thousand words. There are enough pictures to write a novel.

McNuggets

Written by Aunt Tonya...

Got Matt in the morning from Glendora. Shannon and Zach met us at the apartment. This was the real first test with Matt on how he was going to handle outings with us. An uneventful departure from the apartment. Expected some resistance from when we left but Matt only turned back once when he realized that Loretta was not coming. Expected the possibility of tears but there were none...sighed with relief. Again, car ride and arrival uneventful. Shannon was telling the story of the boys babbling to one another in the backseat and trying to hold hands. Wish that I had been there to see it.

Ordered standard lunches for play dates - Junk food: hamburgers, nuggets, fries. Did attempt to add something healthy but the apples and milk did not really go over too well. Girls quickly ate their lunches and were off to play together and with the other kids. Should have been offended by the girls inattention but I actually got to eat my meal hot and offer a free hand to help with the boys.

The boys sat side by side in their highchairs happily eating their lunches. The casual onlooker would have smiled with amusement. Matt takes from Zach's hamburger. Zach takes Matt's nuggets. Zach tries to feed himself and then Matt. Matt eats half the fry and Zach finishes it. The boys continue with this sharing, taking and feeding behavior throughout the meal. We end the meal with Matt's face covered with food and Zach's clothes covered with food. Matt is still at the stage of testing gravity by throwing food on the floor. I had a get a broom and sweep the mess. As complicated as this sounds, it was actually very easy. Set the food down and let the boys pick and share as they went.

We had about an hour to play after finishing lunch. Zach and Matt played on the simple climbing step. Actually, a very good activity for Matt. Required using the spider-climb technique that we already were practicing. He showed improved skill at staying with the group and following one-step verbal commands. He could follow two-step commands with verbal and physical cues - this was the first time that I have seen him accomplish this. Parallel play is being extinguished and replaced by more unilateral, cooperative play. As you probably guessed, his favorite activity with me is tag. The play place is idea for such games. Babbling is being replaced with functional sign/gesturing and attempts at word formation. This week I clearly heard "this" when making a request. We had to reinforce the use of a straw using Ashley's soda as a reward.

Zach has grown by leaps and bounds. Just love this developmental stage. He was able to stand with stability but does not have the courage to take that first step. Walks requiring only one hand - used mostly for security, not support. In less than a month, he will be fully mobile. God help us all with four kids all on the move. Feeds self well and eats almost anything. Just starting to see emerging functional gesturing. Interesting to watch from afar his frustration at not being able to make his needs known. This is the precursor to first words. They will be arriving soon. He is the easiest kid to carry - light and clinging. Never had that kind of luck with my own kids. Kate was light and Ashley was clingy.

There were only three little bumps in the road. 1. Zach was beyond tired with the late hour and a tummy full of food. It is so true that kids get accident prone when sleepy. Zach took a good tumble and split his lip. The oozing blood took more than than a minute or two to stop and will certainly leave a good size fat lip. 2. Took Matt to the bathroom for a diaper change and general cleanup before returning him to Loretta. We were washing his face and hands when I made the mistake of saying something like "Wash them well. We need to go back and see Tita." Tears started to form and he said "Teet". Resolved the issue with round of "The Wheels on the Bus" and no any real crying. 3. My girlish figure just can't take much more of these junk food days. My budget can't tolerate a whole new wardrobe. What is a girl to do?

From Shannon - Sorry, we were so exhausted with the kiddos running around that I didn't have a chance to take many pictures. But I finally popped open the camera on our way home. Here are a few pics of Matt in the carseat with a belly full of nuggets...