Matt Attack, itemized

Tonya and the girls (and Shannon when she can) have been visiting with Matt and Loretta on Tuesdays, when their schedule is less full. Shannon’s post with the pictures of the “third meeting” was great! I recently received this email from Tonya, with some of my comments and thoughts inserted in plain type:

Thought that I would give you an update on our weekly Tuesday play-date in the long, itemized form.


On the first attempt, there was very little interaction between the kids. Kate was really thrilled to be able to pull the wagon with all the stuff but Matt was less than thrilled at being pulled by an erratic five-year old. Ultimately, both did fine and Kate learned an essential skill. Both girls knew what was expected and Matt was less resistant to their attempts to help. Kate was much more encouraging with helping Matt complete some of the simpler pieces of equipment. Ashley and Matt were encouraged to parallel play on several activities. The real problem is the developmental stages. Kate wanted the advanced equipment. Ashley wanted the climbing toys and Matt wanted to walk through the park. Some observations from our visit:

1. Matt is gaining gross motor skills. Ability to manage uneven surfaces is improving. As is the ability to walk on uneven surfaces while managing a hand-eye task.

2. He still unsafe on stairs and slides, even the lowest ones. We actively worked on the turn-around and go backwards technique. I must admit that he was irritated with me over not holding him by the hand and letting him walk up and down. (Loretta was likely more irritated.) The solution was simple: had Ash model that behavior and Kate provide encouragement from the top of the equipment. When he did not remember to crawl, I removed him from stairs and we started at the bottom again. Noticed later that Loretta was modeling the techniques that Matt and I were working on. Feel much safer now. Although there are no stairs in Glendora, there are several flights here and in Upland. No longer have safety gates in place.



The second visit was shorter but more productive (Tonya is the only person in the world who could call a play date 'productive' and get away with it!):

1. I brought Matt some sand toys to use in the tree bark. This proved to be a huge success. He said "this" when presented with the bag of toys. I translated the word to mean "what is this?" Saw this as a huge breakthrough because it opens the communication to verbal item identification. (I have been somewhat concerned about his language development, but probably am just being an overbearing pediatrician mom. I am very glad to hear that he is beginning to say some words.)

2. He was working on fill and dump .... Ashley's hair was the object of his affectionate dumping. It allowed the three kids (and every other kid at the park) to gather in one place. We worked on trade and share. Not that I really expected him to get this concept but it was a good place to start and good reinforcement for Ashley. She is having some evidence of sibling rivalry, which I consider a good thing.

3. We also worked on the safe climbing skills again with some marked improvement.

4. Loretta seemed more comfortable with the whole process even allowing the girls to pull the wagon. Encouraged Loretta to interact with girls more so that I could interact with Matt more. Better sharing of workload. Made it clear to Loretta that boundary setting with girls is acceptable and encouraged. Wanted for her to feel more comfortable interacting with all three kids as a unit because I already had a plan for the third meeting. (Of course she had a plan! This is my sister we're talking about!)



The third meeting each of the kids had a great time:

1. Thank god for Shannon's attendance. So helpful at providing a third set of eyes and a sense of balance to the process. Girls love both Shannon and Zach.

2. Zach is standing now and getting up the courage to take his first step. Kate unsuccessfully attempted to help him...he took her inexperienced assistance in stride. Wish that I had my camera so you could see Kate pushing Zach in the swing (Take the camera next time for goodness sakes!). Again he took her in stride. I was playing with Matt in the next swing and Kate was attempting to imitate the same games with Zach.

3. Brought the sand toys again and all the kids had a great time playing together. Stressed trade and share. Worked on fill and dump. This was actually fun to watch. Loved the fact that each of the four kids were at the same place at the same time. Yes, each was doing their own thing but somehow together. Kate was baking bark cakes. Ashley was digging and watering a pretend garden in the "bark beds". Matt was working on shovel, fill and pour. Zach was providing the music with banging the tools.

4. Got smart this time and encouraged group snack time. Brought rice puff snacks for the little ones. Hand-fed Matt one piece at a time. He could only get the next piece by saying "more". He loved the snacks so much that we got "mo" for the word "more". (That's my boy!)

5. Matt spent a good portion of time wandering through the park so we turned it into a game. Ashley and I played peek-a-boo from behind the tree. He soon got the idea and then ran away, with immediate stop and giggles. This of course leads to a game of tag. Girls had a wonderful time chasing and I would grab him and let him fly through the air which he really loved. Kate tried it and they both landed in a heap on the ground. It was too funny.

6. Both Matt and Zach loved the swing games. I played the basics with Matt (up/down, got your feet, etc). It was too cute watching Kate trying to do the same thing with Zach in the next swing. Wish that I had a video camera. (I left a video camera at mom's house for use while I'm deployed; it is very easy to use and requires only the USB-to-USB cable for download [the same one the Nikon camera uses]. Take it with you next time!)



Loretta, Shannon and I were talking about next week. I think that we are going to McDonald's Playplace. It will immediately provide for longer play-dates because no one is rushing off to get lunch. Scheduling and long travel time is a huge issue considering that it concludes 3 families and four sets of schedules. Anything that we can do to increase the actual amount of playtime needs to be done. It's an awful long way for Shannon and I to go to spend just an hour or two. (Absolutely ... but I can't tell you how much I appreciate your willingness to make the trek!) Additionally, I found that Matt's outside days are somewhat limited to strolls with Frank in the stroller and going to the park 2-3 times per day. I would like us to take on events that encourage other types of activities. I left it up to Loretta whether she wants to come or stay. She will be letting me know but does not seem exactly comfortable with the plan but I believe that we need to move forward beyond each of our comfort zones. I know that I have Shannon's support and I am certain that we can still have a great time with all four kids should Loretta choose not to attend. Shannon is looking into other types of community-based events in Glendora, Upland and Corona. I hope that we will be able to schedule some of these quickly.


Shannon also responded with some thoughts of her own about the play dates:

My two cents (not in the long, itemized form):

It has really been beneficial for me to see all the stages of a child's growth from these 4 kids. Its interesting how different and/or how much they've learned between each stage. Ashley is only a year (?) older than Matt but the age difference is amazing. And I must say, I've appreciated Tonya's attention to manners and learning. In such a short time, she got Matt to make a distinct "mo" sound for more food. The wonders that food deprivation provides, besides the fact that food is a big motivator for Matt! (Like father, like son.) Tonya, hope you're ready for Zach next - he thinks you're his aunt too now!



I do have pictures of the park trip and will post on the blog later (actually already posted!). Matt has instantly bonded with his aunt. He ran to her when she was playing tag. Unfortunately, my hands were full of Zach most of the day but Tonya took the baby and let me get my cheekfeast. It's great that the girls are so independent that even they were able to supervise Zach while I was able to bond with Matt. Again, since my hands are so full I think its best for us to be in an enclosed play area - unless Tonya is around, the park can be difficult for me in terms of safety & supervision. (McDonald's should work fine - when I was home, my best friend, Krysten, and I met there to let her two kids and my one kid play, and it worked out wonderfully.)



It is such a comfort to know that Matt is surrounded by so much love and care. There's Aunt Tonya, who is always looking for an educational bent for every activity, and Aunt Shannon, who has her hands full and her heart in the right place. Uncle Chuck's role, of course, is to introduce the sins of the world, from electronics to beer to Tolteca (as a stand-in of sorts for James). There's Grandpa, who attempts to think what Matt is thinking and anticipate his next move, and the girls, who make sure to take care of him like a little brother. There's also Grandma and Papa, who aren't the typical grandparents since they actually have rules and boundaries for the active little boy. And, of course, there's Loretta, the saint of all saints, who not only loves Matt as much as anyone possibly could, but who has sacrificed so much for our family. I'm not sure where James, Matt, and I got so lucky, but God was obviously smiling down on us.