Post-Deployment

Autumn’s information on the stages of deployment was really interesting. I began to consider how the family “left back home” by the soldier deals with deployment. I researched online and found a few articles. Frankly, most sites that discuss families with children focus on children atleast 3 years old. While articles that specifically detail emotional/psychological stages for children under 3 are rare, there are a few that attempt to guess (since kids this age have difficulty verbally expressing their feelings) at how the children cope by interpreting other means of expression in young children. Even rarer still are articles that discuss dual-deployment in families with young children. So I suggest we get the best researchers in the country and document the Richards Family! :)

In fact, I think the post-deployment reunion will be quite interesting since both Autumn and James are returning at almost the same time. And there is a large pack-up and move back to Texas that will need to take place. While I’m sure it will be difficult for the parents to reintegrate, I’m confident that with hard work they’ll be fine. But I wonder how Matt will cope?

Here is some information about post-deployment considerations for families. I’ll send a copy to Loretta as well. Information taken from Hooah For Heatlth with significant edits by me: http://www.hooah4health.com/deployment/Familymatters/emotionalcycle2.htm

The post-deployment stage begins with the arrival home. This stage starts with the "homecoming" of the deployed Soldier. This can be a wonderfully joyous occasion with children rushing to the returning parent followed by the warm embrace and kiss of the reunited couple. Homecoming can also be an extremely frustrating and upsetting experience. The date of return may change repeatedly or units may travel home piece-meal over several days.

Typically, a "honeymoon" period follows. Eventually, Soldiers will want to reassert their role as a member of the Family, which can lead to tension. This is an essential task, which requires considerable patience to accomplish successfully. Soldiers may feel pressure to make up for lost time and missed milestones. Soldiers may want to take back all the responsibilities they had before. However, some things will have changed in their absence: spouses are more autonomous, children have grown, and individual personal priorities in life may be different. It is not realistic to return home and expect everything to be the same as before the deployment.

During this period, the caretaker at home may report a lost sense of independence. There may be resentment at having been "abandoned" for six months or more. The caretaker may consider themselves to be the true heroes (watching the house, children, paying bills, etc.) while Soldiers cared only for themselves. At least one study suggests that the stay-at-home parent is more likely to report distress than the deployed Soldier. Basic household chores and routines need to be renegotiated. The role played by the spouse in the marriage must be reestablished.

Reunion with children can also be a challenge. Their feelings tend to depend on their age and understanding of why the Soldier was gone. Toddlers (1-3 years) may be slow to warm up. In addition, children are often loyal to the caretaker that remains behind and do not respond to discipline from the returning Soldier. Some children may display significant anxiety up to a year later ("anniversary reaction"), triggered by the possibility of separation. In addition, the Soldier may not approve of privileges granted to children by the non-deployed parent. However, it is probably best for the Soldier not to try to make changes right away and to take time renegotiating Family rules and norms. Soldiers may feel hurt in response to such a lukewarm reception. Clearly going slow and letting the child(ren) set the pace goes a long way towards a successful reunion.

Post-deployment is probably the most important stage for both Soldier and spouse. Patient communication, going slow, lowering expectations and taking time to get to know each other again is critical to the task of successful reintegration of the Soldier back into the Family. Counseling may be required in the event that the Soldier is injured or returns as a stress casualty. On the other hand, the separation of deployment - unlike civilian couples - provides Soldier and spouse a chance to evaluate changes within themselves and what direction they want their marriage to take. Although a difficult as well as joyful stage, many military couples have reported that their relationship is much stronger as a result.