A child's dream

One of James' requests during R&R was to go to Disneyland. We both love everything Disney, and I suspect our admiration is derived from our childhood memories of Disneyland and Disneyworld. (We also have taken 2 big vacations to the parks as a married, child-less couple.) We decided to take advantage of the awesome deals Disney has to offer members of the military in 2009, and although we had to drive out to March Air Reserve Base to get the tickets, so far we're enjoying ourselves.



We arrived at the Disneyland Hotel this afternoon, and I was reminded of the reason I love to stay in Disney hotels: they do everything right! Seriously .... from the bell hop to the front desk staff, everyone we came into contact with was courteous and helpful, even when we requested complicated stuff like early check-in. :) Our room, of course, is gorgeous; it's rather large and well-appointed even though it's a 'regular' room. I am always amazed at how well everything is maintained at the Disney parks and resorts; at the hotel, for example, there is not a leaf out of place on any shrub or tree on the grounds!

The land of Disney just exudes happiness. It's impossible not to be happy here. However, I am starting to get that deep-down dread in the pit of my stomach when I think about leaving California for El Paso next week. (I even have trouble writing that - 'next week' - since it seems so close when I type it out.) I was warned by the doc I'm replacing in Afghanistan that I would begin to count the days until leaving, and that I would begin to think, 'This is the last time I'll do X before leaving.' I'm trying my best not to allow this type of thinking to permeate my attitude, but it's surprisingly and impossibly difficult. These 2 weeks are a weird time for James, Matt, and I, with James in the middle of his deployment and with me preparing to leave for mine, so the emotions we feel are understandably jumbled and sometimes convoluted.

Everyone keeps telling me that I'm dealing with this dual-deployment situation very well, but no one has access to the self-talk that is constantly streaming through my head. Outwardly, I appear to be dealing well, but inside is a slightly different story. I have been trying very hard to focus on the positive aspects of this deployment (e.g. James and I will only be separated for 12 total months instead of 24, Matt is too young to remember us leaving and will have excellent care while we're gone, I'm going to a large and safe base, etc), and thus far it seems I have fooled everyone. I started to admit to myself a few days ago, though, that I can't always be the reasonable, logical, rational person everyone makes me out to be. For example, several days ago I cried for the first time since learning of the deployment. Additionally, I woke up exhausted this morning after a dream - a nightmare, really - of leaving Matt at the airport in 10 days and flying halfway around the world without him. I'm sure these thoughts, feelings, and dreams will only become more and more evident in the next 10 days; let's just hope that they won't prevent me from enjoying the time I have left with James and Matt before reporting to Fort Benning.